.:darilangit:. |
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so,... that's what happen in my life [sigh!]
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cool!make sure you click "back" button coz i don't put link there to here. sorry :) office now [at the moment] some words save me?  ![This page is powered by [Kodja!]. Isn't yours?](https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/blogger_img_proxy/AEn0k_tMRk3LBkQ38w18XGc1ygpUvN93UvWn61-woG6mCIuUckMRNkXhdZhR0qvEoFfw2KU_OfPPEBp7kTdY20vgt9XWG-S_ZVMbKnUpFtg1IZ_c=s0-d){kind=small}
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Friday, June 28, 2002
wakss... gue dapat mail yang bilang bahwa seseorang udah berhasil ngliat weblog ini, dan orang itu nawarin supaya blog ini bisa dicari pake search engine dan segenap orang yang pakai internet bisa nemuin weblog ini!! wah! buat apa? bukannya gue bikin ini cuma sekedar untuk ngumpet? dasar tuh orang... yah, tapi minimal gue jadi tau deh, bahwa yang janjinya "private", ternyata juga ga private-private amat koq! ...buktinya, ada mail kedua yang nyusul, yang katanya gue "dipilih" berdasarkan polling untuk menyelamatkan uganda dengan cara memberi nomer rekening gue ke orang tersebut, ato membuka rekening kosong dan memberitahu nomernya, ...entahlah. pokoknya, orang itu mo ngisiin US$4,5 juta [!] ke rekening tersebut. orang itu butuh nomor rekening orang asing aja, untuk "menyelamatkan" uang revolusi uganda. dia butuh sekitar sebulan untuk nempatin uang itu di situ, dan kemudian akan dia tarik lagi dengan persetujuan gue. hasilnya? ...gue katanya akan dapat 5% dari uang tersebut ditambah bunganya boleh gue ambil [kan ditabung 30 hari tuh...] jeezz... percaya ga sih loe?! come to think of it, gue hampir aja terlintas ide untuk ngelaksanain apa yang dia minta itu. untung deh,... ga jadi. ada yang berminat? ...kalo ada, mail aja gue, ntar gue fwd deh tawarannya... hahahahaaa.... so much for the privacy!! [and please remember: "don't make any promises you don't intend to keep", okay?] ::cheers!:: jeezz... something happened on the way to heaven... gue ngerasa suntuk bener hari ini. sebenernya sih sejak beberapa hari yang lalu. ga tau kenapa... ga tau mo ngapain. kayanya maleesss... banget deh untuk ngapa-ngapain. well, anyway, seseorang berhasil melanggar janjinya kemarin. mmm... sebenernya sih gue ga tau apakah dia menepati apa ngga, tapi kerna gue ngerasa bahwa gue siap dan dia ngga, ya gue anggap aja dia ga menepati janji... marah? kesel? ...mmm, ngga tuh! cuma pen nulis aja di sini. yah, paling ngga gue sekali lagi disadarkan: don't make any promises you don't intend to keep... blah! gue nulis apa sih ni? ga ngerti deh... lagi suntuk. Wednesday, June 26, 2002
udah lama gue ga nulis di sini... ke mana aja? kayanya gue udah keilangan segala semangat buat nulis... hiks... gue menemukan kesenangan baru beberapa hari terakhir ini, dengan membuat banyak html untuk gue sendiri. hehehe... padahal sih harusnya gue bikin untuk web 65 dulu... tapi... ah, daripada repot mikirin datanya, akhirnya gue lebih milih bikin web buat gue sendiri dulu deh! [ah, alasan!! nyiehehehe...] hm, anyway, banyak bener yang kayanya harus gue perbaiki di web gue yang pertama itu. sayang, gue udah terlanjur mencurahkan semua otak gue buat mikir sesuatu yang simpel, tiba-tiba muncul anak ini dengan segala pemikiran web-nya yang oke punya!! wuah!! jadi minder deh!! :( tapi, gapapa lah!... namanya juga baru blajar... lain kali, gue akan kerahkan semua ide dan waktu gue lagi untuk bikin web seperti dia. bahkan kalo mungkin, jauh lebih baik dari dia! [hehehe... bekhayal-nya tinggi juga ya kodja ini!!] hmm,... sambil berkhayal yang ngga-ngga, kayanya asyik juga mikirin: ...apa aja sih yang udah gue bikin selama seperempat abad ini?... [ihh... tua ya?! khakhakha...] dudul, bener juga omongan loe ya? haha!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY, man... Friday, June 14, 2002
Thursday, June 13, 2002
You dwell excessively on past memories, particularly the bad ones. You blame yourself for your faults, and fear being a bad person. You can be delusional and paranoid, yet hide these things from others and bury your feelings deep, where you can revive them to dwell on them later. You need to stop dwelling on the past, and look to the future. see? i told you... misinterpret of my behaviour: it was just the other night while you were sleeping... for this soulless body, i used to think not only for my self for this loveless heart, i used to hurt the one i love, for i don't recognize what the meaning of it. it used to be not this simple to take a deep breathe it used to be not this hard to wave my armless hand it used to be not this pain to pretend the loneself of mine it used to be so easy to feel the joy after the rain but ain't the pain worth saving, when i'm not so capable to feel love again. give me direction; be my lighthouse for my ship is abandoned be my guardian for myself is missing be my heart for my love is homeless i'm standing in a deep cut cliff so easy to fall and so hard to resist i'm standing on my own and craving for the emptiness so my heart is yours to keep. i cannot love any longer thank you to all the love i've given to all. thank you findie dearly beloved j_un13 [minimal aku masi ingat tanggal ulang tahunmu, masi ingat nomer telponmu, dan masi mau nunggu sampai jam berdentang dua belas kali... walaupun mungkin itu ga ada artinya, karena semua ga pernah terlaksana...] Tuesday, June 11, 2002
DON'T SPEAK -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- You and me We used to be together Every day together always I really feel I'm losing my best friend I can't believe This could be the end It looks as though you're letting go And if it's real, Well I don't want to know Don't speak I know just what you're saying So please stop explaining Don't tell me 'cause it hurts Don't speak I know what you're thinking I don't need your reasons Don't tell me 'cause it hurts Our memories They can be inviting But some are altogether Mighty frightening As we die, both you and I With my head in my hands I sit and cry * It's all ending I gotta stop pretending who we are... You and me I can see us dying ... are we? * dedicated to you, net ... Tuesday, June 04, 2002
jadi gini... [ceritanya mo cerita nih] sabtu, 1 juni 2002 kmaren, gue dengan [tanpa] sengaja baca "jurnal" salah seorang kawan gue. yah, sebenernya bego aja sih,... knapa juga gue mesti baca sesuatu yang sebenernya ga perlu [ato malah ga boleh?] gue baca? tapi kerna udah terlanjur, akhirnya berakhirlah hari itu dengan segala kekesalan dan kemuakan. kenapa? mmm... pertama, jadi terpampang jelas bahwa sebenernya apa yang gue pikir ga akan jadi kenyataan sama sekali. kedua, gue jadi tau betapa "ancurnya" nih hidup kawan gue, yang seharusnya [kalo gue masih boleh berpendapat sesuatu tentang hidup seseorang] ga boleh dia lakukan seperti itu. seharusnya jangan sampe terjadi seperti itu... but then again,.. gue kan ga bisa main "mengkuliahi" kawan gue itu untuk "hidup dengan cara yang seperti gue pikir" ini kan?... hiks! ketiga, sebenernya ini yang paling nyakitin gue [walaupun sebenernya gue sama sekali ga tau kenapa gue mesti ngerasa sakit, kena gue ga punya alasan sama sekali untuk ngerasain sakit itu...], adalah gue ngerasa betrayed aja! gilaaa... ga semestinya! tapi kenapa gue ngerasa seperti itu ya?... entahlah. [huaaaa...!! ..rasanya seperti makan arang dan bubuk besi bersamaan. bubuk itu secara halus tapi pasti, masuk ke tenggorokan, menggores dalam batang tenggorok, mengikis usus dan lambungmu, meninggalkan luka yang menyakitkan dan menghancurkan di dalam tubuhmu. dogh!! kira-kira gitu deh...] so,.. sejak dari tau itu, gue jadi makin bete, dan pingin nglupain semua. tapi ga bisa! doh!! i wish i could rewind the time that i discovered that, so i wouldn't have to feel this way... dear my angel, my partners in crime... sorry if i had to feel this way... pfuuii... pengakuan ternyata bukan hal yang mudah! Monday, June 03, 2002
it's just not fair picking up from what you've left behind, isn't it? so, ...gimme a clue. are you the one? the right one? ah,.. NA! I DON'T THINK SO... Dari mula saat mengerti ada getaran di setiap pandang ku coba jiwa 'tuk tetap membisu tapi ajakanmu yang membasuh Aku pun mengerti yang kau cari kau hanya ingin 'tuk berlabuh tak ada hasrat 'tuk tetap tinggal hanya berlabuh Dari lubuk hati yang dalam kucoba untuk memusnahkan segala gejolak di otak kita mmm...kuharap mungkin ada cinta di setiap peluk yang tercipta dan masih kuharap di sini mungkin ada cinta Bagiku semua berarti mungkin bagimu semua sementara peluk kuhayati..cumbu kuyakini semata-mata dari lubuk hatiku Lalu kau coba berdalih semua tak mungkin terjadi semua tak ada, tak ada... tak ada artinya reza [kuharap di sini mungkin ada cinta] ga tau knapa... dulu gue suka bener lagu ini, terus sempet lupa. mmm... skarang, ga tau knapa lagi, jadi teringat aja lagu ini terus, dan senandung ke mana-mana... hahaha! [ati-ati kesandung!] hmm.. setengah dari kata-kataku mungkin tanpa makna, tapi kuucapkan juga, agar setengahnya lagi sampai padamu... kayanya sih gitu... to dear net and [mm].. it's your own fault to enquire something you shouldn't. when it hurts you, don't ask anybody to heal your wounds. ask yourself. ga seharusnya... sesuatu yang menyakitkan ya jangan diulang. masokis namanya. but anyway, can you describe what is "pain" for you? is it okay to be hurt to something that you're not committed in? really nice question... you should ask yourself, deeper. hiks... Saturday, June 01, 2002
after reading that... i know that i was hoping thin air it's just not gonna be true she will just look for another but then again, there were nothing in between so it has been this way why did you make such complaining? [disappointment is something everybody should have] -that's true- :for you, my dear net If I Knew If I knew it would be the last time that I'd see you fall asleep, I would tuck you in more tightly and pray the Lord, your soul to keep. If I knew it would be the last time that I see you walk out the door, I would give you a hug and kiss and call you back for one more. If I knew it would be the last time I'd hear your voice lifted up in praise, I would video tape each action and word, so I could play them back day after day. If I knew it would be the last time, I could spare an extra minute to stop and say "I love you," instead of assuming you would KNOW I do. If I knew it would be the last time I would be there to share your day, well, I'm sure you'll have so many more, so I can let just this one slip away. [But then I guess I was wrong. Completely wrong...] after i read something that hurts me so much i don't know why. it just hurt |
